Giulia and I

Dear siblings,
I do hope we will be able to change things. It will be long and many battles will be fought, yet we must never give up. If I say this, it is because there are moments when giving up is easy; when you realise there are so many injustices, when you face other people’s indifference and arrogance.
When I am so tired I could cry endlessly; I think of Giulia and of all her daily battles. She is an example to me and sometimes I am sorry not to have more time to spend with her or not to feel like it.
I think of all the times when she wakes up in the morning and she gets ready, I think of all the years it took to learn that, I think of all the times she wants to say something and stutters because she realises she is not as fast as the others, will she ever be weary of speaking? I think of when she goes to piano lessons and returns with her exercise book with all those scales to copy and learn; so much devotion in those repetitive daily exercises, so much determination.
I think of all her daily efforts to be more autonomous, more conscious, freer.
I owe her my commitment.
Constant and daily.
I owe her because without her I wouldn’t be the same, and without her maybe I wouldn’t have that constant example that wakes up every morning and, candid and strong at the same time, faces the world, people, difficulties.
In times when everything is related to images of winning men and women in every situation, always attaining what they desire, doubtless, full of easy money, beside me there stands a person who shows me how unimportant these things are, all these things are, through her character and enthusiasm.
Maybe it’s the concentration on other problems, more or less serious than many others, that, at the same time, makes Giulia determined and careful, in her way, of the world that surrounds her.
Sometimes she is even selfish when she has to keep on her track, and stubborn when she doesn’t want to change her mind; because she cannot change her mind: she has to try to be coherent, tidy, methodical, constant, earnest. A mere distraction may cost her a real lot, more than I can imagine.
Sometimes she is very far from me: I call her and she does not answer, she does things that annoy me on purpose, she gets angry for nothing.
I take it badly because I’d still want her as a child, smiling and loving, but then I realise how ridiculous and anachronistic that desire is, because I am, in a way, a hurdle to her life at least as much as she was to mine. It’s like being happily handcuffed together…
I hope she can be happy, I hope she can feel a real woman, even though she won’t ever be able to live alone, make a trip with her boyfriend, get married, have children, do the job she would like to, play tennis (she would like that so much!).
If helping associations and organisations grow and improve the culture of handicap in our country, and Education, Labour, Health may contribute to improve her life, then I will commit myself. Not only for her but for all those people who are different from the majority.
I think we could succeed if only we weren’t so lazy or tired or discouraged. I think that if we are many, we will succeed.

Carla Fermariello
May 27th 2001

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